What is Self?

How Does It Feel to Be a Heart?

Once a young woman asked me,

“How does it feel to be a man?”
And I replied,

“My dear,
I am not so sure.”

Then she said,
“Well, aren’t you a man?”

And this time I replied,

“I view gender
As a beautiful animal
That people often take for a walk on a leash
And might enter in some odd contest
To try to win strange prizes.

My dear,
A better question for Hafiz
Would have been,

‘How does it feel to be a heart?’

For all I know is Love,
And I find my heart Infinite
And Everywhere!”

by Hafiz, I Heard God Laughing

Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, who you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your Life.

poem by Derek Walcott

Todos

Yo tal vez yo no seré, tal vez no pude,
no fui, no vi, no estoy:
qué es esto? Y en qué Junio, en qué madera
crecí hasta ahora, continué naciendo?

No crecí, no crecí, seguzí muriendo?

Yo repetí en las puertas
el sonido del mar,
de las campanas:
yo pregunté por mí, con embeleso
(con ansiedad más tarde),
Ya estaba lejos mi anterioridad,
ya no me respondía yo a mí mismo,
me había ido muchas veces yo.

Y fui a la próxima casa,
a la próxima mujer,
a todos partes
a preguntar por mí, por ti, por todos:
y donde yo no estaba ya no estaban,
todo estaba vacío
porque sencillamente no era hoy,
era manana.

Por qué buscar en vano
en cada puerta en que no existiremos
porque no hemos llegado todavía?

Así fue como supe
que yo era exactamente como tú
y como todo el mundo.

—————————————-
Everybody

I, perhaps I never will be, perhaps I was not able,
never was, never saw, don’t exist:
what is all this? In which June, in what wood
did I grow until now, being born and born again?

I didn’t grow, never grew, just went on dying?

In doorways I repeated
the sound of the sea,
of the bells:
I asked for myself, with wonder,
(and later with trembling hands),
with little bells, with water,
with sweetness:
I was always arriving late.
I had traveled far from who I was,
I could not answer any questions about myself,
I had too often left who I am.

I went to the next house,
to the next woman,
I traveled everywhere
asking for myself, for you, for everybody:
and where I was not there was no one,
everywhere it was empty
because it wasn’t today,
it was tomorrow.

Why search in vain
in every door in which we will not exist
because we have not arrived yet?

That is how I found out
that I was exactly like you
and like everybody.

by Pablo Neruda from The Sea and The Bells, translated by William O’Daly

“The integrated cells and organs that make up the human organism are an instrument that allows us to get in touch with the rest of the universe. The body is like a probe full of sensitive devices that tries to obtain what information it can from the awesome reaches of space. It is through the body that we are related to one another and to the rest of the world.”

- from FLOW by Mihaly Csikzsentmihalyi

“Often in spirituality, there are teachings that assert the need to focus atention on given objects of perception. You may have been taught to focus your attention on a goal, a mantra, your breath, the third eye, the hara, or on sensation, but it is the very assertion of focus and the assertion of the focuser, the “me,” that keeps you forever at a seeming distance from the root of attention: your Self as pure Awareness.

In your natural state as Oneness, there is no need to focus in order to discover yourself – any more than point A can know itself by focusing on point B. Point A can only know itself by letting all focus, attention, and searching subside back to its origin.

This is an open invitation for a simple resting, a return to the ground of being you have always know.

- Mukti – “Don’t miss the Stop Sign”

Imagining Self: Rose Message
By N. Teddy Goldsworthy-hanner

How do you imagine Self? Life’s history is like a feather being blown along in the wind where one is not merely defining but creating meaning, inventing a record of distinctions – the myth of freedom and escape – imagining Self.

The world, a mimicry of assumptions where one wishes to be valued, wishes to be cherished. The world, a place where one can barely find the history of meanings, where one’s self-perceptions are hardly valid. Is all there is material inscriptions where no one looks beyond to the written?

Art is an activity crucial to self identity and liberal humanist belief, a barrier against those who would deny validity of Self.

Poem & Photograph by Deborah Cottrell

Within each of us there is a silence,
a silence as vast as the universe…

When we experience that silence,
we remember who we are,
creatures of the stars,
created from time and space, created from silence…

Silence is our deepest nature, our home, our common ground, our peace.

“When I call on the light of my soul I come home.”

All things
are too small
to hold me,
I am so vast

In the Infinite
I reach
for the Uncreated

I have
touched it,
it undoes me
wider than wide

Everything else
is too narrow

You know this well,
you who are also there

What is self?

A question often asked; especially at the annual convention of Existentialists in South Bend, Indiana.

Often, the speaker will announce into the microphone “What  is Salt” – misreading the teleprompter.

After an awkward silence their aunts and cousins from Des Moine will applaud in a friendly ritual of ackowledgment that suggests the statement is quite insightful.

Unfortunately for the speaker there is usually some random quasi-intellectual in the back who shouts, “What is Salt? Sodium Chloride, you idiot! What in the world does that have to do with self?”

Causing the speaker to rush down the aisle in a blind rage; security gets involved and we still have not figured out “What is Self.”

Typical human behavior.

Returning to the podium, the speaker will restart with “My apologies for the interruption. Where was I at?”

“What is Salt,” he posits, trying not to admit his earlier mistake.

“Salt is … a spice in various cooking traditions. It is often used to flavor … a baked potato … or a dish of vegetables. It tastes good and I personally love salt on just about anything.”

“Although my wife claims I should cut back because of my high blood pressure.”

“But that brings me to my point. My high blood pressure, my salt intake.”

“That is about myself. Not my wife’s … self.”

“So what is self if not a damn good baked potato with sour cream and chives and bacon pieces and maybe some grated cheddar cheese.”

“Preferably Tillamook.”

“So, in conclusion, if I … my … self … had that baked potato ready to go, I would add a generous smattering of salt to it – wife be damned – and retire to the TV den to enjoy myself.”

“Oh. On a historical note. Long ago there was a story by The Bible about a woman; a ruthless woman who turned herself into a pile of salt. Or so the story goes.”

“There are various versions of that myth. All show that ‘self’, throughout history, has been linked to salt.”

“Thus, I posit, what is ‘self’?”

“Salt is ‘self’”

“Thank you, good night, and I shall make myself available for autographs of my new book at the signing table in the lobby.”

“Please remember that every day you should question ‘what is salt?’ … or even ‘what is self’!

(from Aaron Voorhees)

I am…
Gracefully stepping…
one foot before the other…
trusting with each step I will find a new sense of strength, balance, insight…
slowly, confidently, I place one foot before the other…
I choose to trust the loving voice within…
one foot before the other…
I surrender…
I am…

(from Emily Paul)

“The blurring of boundaries between self and other in high jumping probably provides a key to my early love for the sport, a bridge between the walls I erected to protect me from emotions raised by my father’s abuse and the dismantling of those walls years later. In both cases – abuse and high jumping – those boundaries disappeared.

As a child, they disappeared because I was of necessity hyperaware, always alert to sounds, sudden movements, the slightest change in musculature or vibes that might indicate the possibility of an attack, that might give me an additional half-second to prepare for my father’s violence by physically absenting myself. Instead of remaining present to my own experience, I was present to my anticipation of his experience. My own self – whatever that means – was silent and submerged.

When I jumped, those boundaries between self and other once again became obscure. This time, though, the blurring was accomplished not by hiding the self, but expanding it.

On the best jumps, those where I approached that ragged edge of control where instinct and euphoria set me free from time and consciousness, the self grew and dissolved until there was no meaningful separation between me and the rest of the world. The bar and the standards, the pit, the slight breeze in the late April afternoon, the sun, the grass, me, we all worked together.”

- from A Language Older Than Words (p. 59)

If they see
breasts and long hair coming
they call it woman,

if beard and whiskers
they call it man:

but, look, the self that hovers
in between
is neither man
nor woman

O Ramanatha

I have visited in my wanderings shrines and other places of pilgrimage. But I have not seen another shrine blissful like my own body.

I am a girl who is 6 years old.
I wonder what the sun is made of.
I hear fun in my house.
I see kids working at school.
I want to be a actress when I grow up.
I am a girl who is 6 years old.

I pretend I am a singer at my house.
I feel happy when I am on vacation.
I touch animals when I am at the zoo.
I worry in the dark.
I am a girl who is 6 years old.

I understand when someone falls down.
I say sorry when I get in a fight.
I dream I am in a jungle.
I try to play nicely with other people.
I hope I can have fun as long as I live.
I am a girl who is 6 years old.

by Laila

(Laila participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

by SUSANA ARAGON

(Susana participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Bio: I’m a visual artist born in Lima, Peru. I’ve been working in the fields of arts and education since 1982. My art work goes from video installations, multimedia shows, public space interventions, performance, to book objects, ceramic, photography, poetry, costume design and painting.

My work emerges from daily experience, transforming it, experimenting, playing. I’m interested in the way objects can change their meaning according to the way they are put together, whether in a picture, real space or in video installations becoming presences that can lead people to different personal worlds.

Artist Website: susanaaragon.blogspot.com

“Remember Sane”

What is Self?

Friendship – the connections we have with people.

L. Berkely – graffiti artist

(L. Berkely participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

There are more photos of the making of this piece on the Frisbie St. website. Click here to view.

“Two Inner Senses”

(watercolor, charcoal, crayon, pastel on paper)

This piece is a collaboration between Yosi, a 3 year old, and her mom.

As a non producing artist, I constantly struggle with being able to produce art, as if I can’t dig deep enough, or let go long enough to put something down.

Watching Yosi draw, I am inspired by her expressive strokes, fearless choice of color and care-free motivation.

This piece illustrates my personal inner struggle between holding on and letting go, being fearful and fearless and making nothing or something.

by CARREL CRAWFORD

(Carrel participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

What is Self?
beyond the thin skin of identity created by our thoughts

what moves this transient shadow form?
Life

step through The Door
shed all that you think you are
discover your self

LANELL DIKE – Breathe One Love artist

(Lanell participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Bio: Lanell Dike is enjoying the daily miracle of breath.

Artist Website: www.breatheonelove.com

What is self?
Inwardly imagined
Outwardly projected
Recipient interpretation
Known and unknown
We remain our ‘self’
To be discovered again
And, again

SUE GRAUE – Visual artist

inspired by patterns and beauty
Photography is my passion
Capturing a moment in time, to share with others
Self-taught and professionally coached
My identity is not as a mother, sister or friend
But, an artist
This has been my transformation
I am grateful
To find my ’self’

(Sue participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

SHADOW PIECES OF SELF
Papercuts

THE RYHTHM OF SELF
A Papercut Book

C.J. GROSSMAN – Art, Jazz, Books

(C.J. participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Website: www.artjazzbooks.com

by MELISSA HAWKINS

(Melissa participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

ALISON KELLOM – multi media artist

(Alison participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Website: www.alisonkellom.com

When I make a basket, “I” myself am only one part of it, largely a conduit or link between the trees who continue to live out their purpose by giving needles & other parts to use, the ancient energy that takes over so that my hands just know what to do & to all the beings that have ever woven & all the beings that will ever weave.

So it’s me & not me at the same time – which seems to represent the reality of our existence. In spite of how things appear solid, they are not: Everything is mostly space & emptiness. Everything & Noting is Self, all at the same time.

ORNA PASCAL – multi media artist

(Orna participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Bio: As a child I always wondered how art was actually made and this is my primary artistic interest.  Of course I am thrilled when something I make is lovely to look at, but it truly is the materials and process that keep me going.  My all time favorite tools are pencils & I particularly love the scritch scritch scritch sound they make.  Over the years they have been joined by papers of every kind, pens, inks, brushes, paints, needles, cloth, all sorts of fibers, found objects, words, cameras, computers and whatever else appeals to me. Trying new things and getting to play with different materials and tools is just so much fun!

Although I am interested in, do use & have fun with new materials & methods, it is the ancient which speaks to my soul. The transformation that happens with raw materials, simple tools, tried & true methods, intention, skill & time is powerful and never fails to thrill me.

Being inspired by the materials themselves and allowing my hands and mind to be free, I become part of all those who have come before and all those who will come after me as the creative process brings into being that which did not exist before.

My paintings are vibrant, using many contrasting colors simultaneously.  This technique is always surprising & delightful.  Believing in the power of color and wishing to contribute harmonious and beautiful art to the world, I offer my work for the benefit of all beings.

After receiving a Bachelor of Science in Conservation of Natural Resources from U.C. Berkeley, a job as a college counselor presented itself.  While helping others, my secret desire to be an artist emerged & that’s what I’ve been doing ever since.

Artist Website: www.ornapascal.com

During my years of being a psychotherapist I have been aware of the importance of the question “What is Self?”  Most persons that have bravely allowed me into their inner arena have at the core this question.

As an artist I have noticed that all my work also relates to the question “What is self?”  “Who am I really?” Attempts of answers via years of paper, glue, Jung and his friends, wonderful pens and colored pencils and scissors.

I have made collages of my experiences since I was 6. That humbly is 53 years of experience. Collage seems to most accurately portray for me the answers.

We are a combination of myriad experiences of every possible dimension.

All I really know is it is an archetypal necessity that is universal, but that it is not simple.  Indulging in the complexities of creativity gives me the most peace.  I feel it is hard to explain and explore many issues simply verbally and conversationally.

So, it is my collage work that helps define me and for others to understand me and hopefully, gleefully themselves.

When you look at my work do not struggle to make sense of it. It is where I was when I made it and hopefully part of who am I am now. Most pieces were created over a period of time.

I truly believe if you are stuck in the moment, wait for the next right thing to reveal itself. Define yourself every day in what you do, say, cook, be, act, don’t react, create.

by GAIL ROBINSON

(Gail participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Each person exists at each moment or day to day in one of five
centers: security, sensation, power, love, or transcendence.

From left to right, top to bottom:
- Homeless person, Battery and  Bush, San Francisco
- Protester and police officer, Market and 2nd, San Jose
- Private wine tasting, San Jose
- Stay single girl, How Weird Street Faire, San Francisco
- Performers and audience, Lost Vegas at CELLSpace, San Francisco
- Performance by Dept of Spontaneous Combustion, Fire Arts Festival, Oakland
- Vodka and propane
- Power buildings, Pine and Market, San Francisco
- Tight rope lesson, Dolores Park, San Francisco
- Friendship, San Jose
- Foggy morning, Guadalupe Creek, San Jose

TORROID – an alt living, working, and discovering art in the SF Bay Area

(Torroid participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

“What Is Self?”
These pieces relate to self in both a personal and archetypal way.

Death and Rebirth.

The sculpture is about loss so profound that it leaves one feeling burning pain in the soul, and then only hollow, dead, disoriented and numb. This represents the loss or death of the ego self, purged by the fire of rage and despair. Empty now, waiting to be filled.

Raku clay sculpture explores the paradoxical fragility/strength of the inner self. The raku firing processes incorporate extreme temperature shifts from the kiln to the reduction barrel to the water trough, representing the elements; of earth, air, fire and water., and completing the circle.

The mixed media painting shows the whole self; conscious, subconscious, persona and ego, made from a remix of my notes and sketches taken from the same time period in which i created the sculpture. The outer patterns and shapes represent external forces which influence the shaping of the circular shell that represents the persona. Within the persona, consciousness shimmers above subconscious, with the shiny glass drop of ego hovering between them.

Our collection of life experiences teach us lessons from which we build upon and move forward in our evolution as souls.

My notes and sketches were scanned and digitally collaged, printed with archival inks, then collaged together again onto canvas with other materials and worked back into with acrylic paints and mediums.

JANELLE SCHNEIDER – 3d texture painter & mixed media artist

(Janelle participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Bio: Janelle Schneider was born in Portland, Oregon, and knew from a very young age that she wanted to be an artist and communicate though image.

Her first job during high school was in a local t-shirt shop, where she created hand painted and drawn original designs for special interest group t-shirts, and she also did sign painting on the side. She taught community school classes in calligraphy and glass etching for senior citizens. At graduation she was awarded a scholarship for artistic achievement.

Several years later she attended Pacific Northwest College of Art(PNCA), graduated with a BFA in Design Arts in 1998 and was awarded the Outstanding Senior Thesis Award in Design Arts. During her third year in college she was offered an internship opportunity with a local animation studio, then called Will Vinton Studios. This led to a design arts position which eventually evolved to painting digitally in 3D as a texture artist. During this time she also continued to work in oils, pastel and collage/mixed media, and was offered an ongoing opportunity to exhibit her work in Exposure Art Gallery in Seaside, Oregon.

In 2002 Janelle moved to California to start working on the films Reloaded and Revolutions, the sequels to The Matrix. In 2004 she was offered the opportunity to create the syllabus for and teach a class in digital texture painting at The Academy of Art University in San Francisco.

She now works for Disney’s ImageMovers Digital in San Rafael as a Senior Texture Artist, while also creating new mixed media work on canvas in preparation for a number of upcoming exhibits.

Janelle’s work features a unifying theme of layers; in layers of meaning, materials and subtle layers of imagery. Creating what she calls “internal landscapes” her subject matter usually centers around personal experiences, and themes relating to mythology, dreams, psychology, spirituality and social commentary.

Artist Website: www.paintbetty.com

“What Are You Hiding?”

“Interaction”

by FOREST STEARNS

(Forest participated in the What is Self? Art & Writing Exhibition @ Frisbie St. in Oakland, CA – May 2009)

Artist Bio: Forest Stearns is my name and I am a prolific excited artist based in Oakland, and attending the MFA program at the Academy of Art in SF. With a focus on illustrious themes in personal and commercial work I try to create characters and spaces on the cusp of beautiful and spooky. Telling stories and creating interactions with line work over color fields.

There is only one way, and that is to really enjoy what it is you are doing and make yourself proud. Enjoy the adventure that this creative life brings you. Live Up

Artist Website: draweverywhere.com

” There is a myth in our society of the separate self, that we are somehow individual, disconnected from one another, that we can enrich ourselves, become “wealthy” materially or socially or spiritually, at the expense of other humans or other life forms. It is a lie we must challenge at its roots if we are to create a world that our grandchildren deserve.”

(From a speech on Hope)